Okay, so I have to admit: I'm a bit of a control freak.
Okayyy, so I have to admit again: That was an understatement; I am a MAJOR control freak.
It really annoys me when things don't happen the way they're meant to...when things are out of my control...
And that is EXACTLY what happened today.

Joel has been one of my closest friends for as long as I can remember! Today we were talking about some of the people in our class and who they like. As part of conversation, I asked him who he liked. And instead of being totally upfront and truthful as he always is, he made me play 'The Guessing Game'. I was fine to begin with, but as my guesses kept on being rejected, i started to get this feeling in my stomach where I knew who's name was going to be left at the end.

Turns out that he likes me. UGH. This is NOT meant to happen. I have a BOYFRIEND who is NOT JOEL. Joel is my BEST FRIEND. I know I can't control the way Joel feels...As much as I'd like to anyway. Maybe this is one of these situations where I have to just let go, and let things run it's course...

Why is it, that the fear of failure always stops me from achieving my full potential?

Why is it, that I try and kid myself into thinking that he actually cares? And that he actually thinks of me?

Why is it, that after 5 years of winning the 'Academic Girl' trophy year after year, I suddenly find myself just another "average" student at high school?

Why is it, that I hate to let myself cry?

Why is it, that his hand always seems to be so much warmer than mine?

Why is it, that I missed the bus this morning?

Why is it, that I never approve of my brother's girlfriends?

Why is it, that sitting at the highest peak in my neighbourhood watching the sunset and eating an iceblock always makes me feel so alive?

Why is it, that I find it so hard to truly believe that regret is far worse than disappointment?

--
Edited by ~Aria_Forever~ at May 16, 2009 6:50 PM NZST

This month has been crazy and it's only just started!
I have heaps of midyear exams coming up (this week and also in 2 weeks time) so I have been studying like crazy!
I have post-it notes all over my mirror that have random maths formulas on them. Hahaha

As well as exams, I am going to be going on school camp from the 18 of May. We're going for 5 days and 4 nights. It's going to be so much fun but freezing cold! We're going to go hiking and mountain biking!

Yesterday was my Grandma's birthday and we took her to her favourite local Italian restaurant. It was hilarious because we had brought a cake with us to the restaurant and had asked the staff there to keep it in the kitchen until after we had eaten. After we had dinner, they brought the cake out and all of the waiters and waitresses and even the owner started to sing happy birthday with us! Hahaha

Hope you guys have a good weekend!

I am back at school now after my 2 week vacation.
There are 147 days left to go until school ends.
Yes, I'm counting down.

This week has been so random.
My friend Joel has been totally beserk about the whole Swine Flu thing. When our English class went to the library, he found a book called "Diseases" and started reading from the chapter labelled "Influenza". I'm totally serious. And he's started bringing hand sanitiser to school and everything!

Today I had orchestra and band practice. I play the violin in the orchestra. Orchestra was before school. I got to school at 8am and my fingers were totally frozen because it was so cold! The actual practice was pretty tedious and went over time. The flutes kept on getting the same part wrong over and over again! ARGH!

After school I had band practice. I play guitar and sing in a rock band called "Natural Affinity". In the band there is me, Nick, Stefan, Matt, and Taylor. You know those little containers of soy sauce that you get when you buy sushi? Taylor (our drummer) was dared to drink the whole container of soy sauce today! It was so gross! But hilarious!
By the way, I do NOT reccommend that you do this. Hahaha

I am so glad that tomorrow is Friday!
Hope you guys had an awesome week!

This morning I went to my friend Rosie's modelling course graduation. It was seriously one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

Me and my friend Saskia had to catch the train at 8.30 in the morning into town. It wasn't that hard to find the modelling agency. We sat in the bakery beside the agency and ate croissants and danish pastries. We bought an apricot pastry and vitamin water for my friend Rosie; the modelling graduate.

At 9.30, we went inside the agency and found the room where they were holding the graduation. There was this long black runway sort of thing in the centre of the room and we had to sit on either side of the catwalk. Just sitting there beside these totally eager parents, made me think "What the (censor) am I doing here...?"

Then, one by one, the course graduates came out and walked the runway. They kept stopping like every 3 friggin steps to pose/turn and it was so awkward because they had these fake smiles plastered on their faces and they were making eye contact (as they had been taught) with every single person in the audience!

When my friend Rosie came out, I was so shocked! Rosie doesn't usually wear makeup, so when she came out with so much makeup on her face, I seriously didn't know what to think. Afterwards, I was just so speechless. I don't exactly know what it was that made me like that, but it was just such a weird situation that I wouldn't normally find myself in! I said congratulations to Rosie and handed her her pastry and vitamin water...

I gotta go to my coffeehouse gig now.
Seeya!

[Edited by: Moderator2]

Last night I went to my friend's house for a sleepover.
We played Nintendo Wii and watched heaps of movies!
Do you guys know a card game called 'Spoons'? It's so funny! We played that at like 4 am in the morning! Hahaha

Tomorrow I am going to my friend Rosie's modelling course graduation! I don't know what to expect at all! It should be very interesting indeed. After I attend that, I have another gig at the coffeehouse down the road from my street. I'm running out of stuff to perform! Send me a message if you have any ideas! Anything with piano/guitar/singing is great!

Hope you guys have an awesome weekend!

My Dad moved to Canda when I was 6. I've only seen him once since. This morning, I realised that it's been approximately 4 months since my Dad and I have contacted each other. It sucks, but honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm done counting.

I'm going to go for a run now. To take my mind off things. It works every time!

Today I went to the mall to get some winter clothes. Every time I went into a store, the friggin people who were working there followed me and kept on bugging me and asking "Hi, do you need some help with that?". I suppose they were just trying to be nice, but it did get pretty annoying after a while!

Oh yeah, yesterday something so awkward happened.
Every weekend, I play my guitar/piano and sing down at the local cafe because they have an open mic day.
After I did my set yesterday, this guy who goes to my school came up to me and was like "You sounded awesome up there!" and continued to talk to me. I mean, yeah, flattery is nice. But it bordered on flirting. And he kept on trying to lock eyes with me. Ah, hello? I have a BOYFRIEND!

Long day babysitting.
9 hours of 3 whiny spoilt kids.
There was a 3 year old boy, a 6 year old girl, and a 10 year old girl. The 3 year old boy was cute, but the 2 girls had an incredible amount of bad attitude! Makes me wonder, was I really that bad as a kid?
And I swear, I watched HSM3 at least 3 times!
Kids just don't get sick of that stuff do they?

So. This is my first blog entry...Woop, woop.

I'm living in New Zealand and at the moment, I am in the middle of my 2 week school vacation.

My best friend Keira has abandoned me this holidays. She's gone away on a 2 week family camp in the middle of nowhere. And when I mean nowhere, I mean NOWHERE. Shower shortages, grazing cattle, no cellphone coverage.

My other best friend Rosie has signed herself up for a modelling course this holidays! *gasp*! I should be feeling happy for her I guess, because, she's happy, and she's enjoying her self and blah blah blah. But in a way, I'm kinda annoyed. She's the one who's always been against all this stuff, and look at her now! Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe I'm worried that she's going to come back a completely different person. Gah...