I freakin got my period. Yes yes yes yes yes.

It was in the middle of a 6 hour bus ride, and I juuust hardly brought enough supplies to last the four days.

But I freakin got my period.

It kind of made things annoying, since wandering around NYC trying to find a non-sketchy bathroom to go in is a bit tricky, but I did it. And I had an awesome trip despite that.

Actually, awesome is an understatement. It was plain AMAZING. My spirits are way up. We saw a broadway show (Shrek!) went to some cool places around the city, bought some awesome stuff. And even the long bus rides were good.

I can't say I'm over what happened... I had sex without being ready for it and I'm always going to be mad over that. And I haven't even talked to my boyfriend about it yet. I'm sure he's having an amazing time and China, and he's not as upset as I was. If I'm ruining his trip without even realizing it, I will be terribly upset once we talk.

But I'm not pregnant.

And that makes me so happy.

I think it's weird when you get a fortune cookie that hits close to home.

Today I got one that says "Friends long absent are coming back to you". And had my lucky number on it.

I'm rooming on a four day trip with a friend of mine who used to be my best friend... but I haven't talk in in like a year and a half. Weird.

Hmm... there was a bomb threat in the foreign language building and cafeteria today. It was freezing outside. I had to be interviewed since I was one of the last ones to go to the bathroom before it was written on the wall in there. But I didn't see it.

My period still hasn't come. I don't know what to make of that just yet. Probably nothing, but I mean, I can't help but worry.

Some kid in my lunch came up to me and gave me this rediculously large BOX of goldfish today. Becuase he thought I'd been sad for a long time and wanted to cheer me up. He's sweet.

I need to pack and I don't want to. I hate hate hate packing. But I guess it will get my mind of of things...

I just wish my boyfriend was going too. He should be. But, I mean, he's may not ever have another chance to go to china. I just miss him. Sososososososo much. I need him here.

- jules

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Edited by CheckYesJuliet at 04/23/2009 4:28 PM PDT

Being miserable is very very miserable, I've found out.

I think my seasonal depression that I get during the winter has spread to the spring. Usually I'm better by now.

I hate making such epic mistakes. I really need to think this over better. WHY am I so stupid?

I. Want. To. Scream. I’m trying to rationalize this, and I can’t, and that frustrates me.

I don't know. What happened, it isn't like it was anything devastating. But, it's weird, because I feel pretty gosh darn devastated.

I know I can get through this. I know that on Friday morning I'll be sitting on a bus for five hours with 50 of my closest friends watching some silly Disney movies. I have the ability to stop being so upset. I know that.

I know I can live through this. But right now, in this moment, with all my regret... I'm not sure if I want to.