Come meet at the corner of Hopelessness and Happiness
And we'll choose which way to go
Come meet at the corner of Love and Hate
And we'll go down one way.
Come meet at the coner of the street and
Together we'll make history.

--
Edited by CauseMTVSaysSo at 10/31/2008 11:54 PM PDT

Your a back pocket boy that got to big
Don't be like them and prove me wrong
You promise me again you're not like that
Swallow your words before the lies leave your lips
You're just like them
Exactly like them
Tell me the truth before I leave
Did you ever even care for me?

MIKEY WAY!!!!

I wore my My Chemical Romance shirt today just for you

Afterwards my hands smell dirty
They reek of metal, peroxide, and blood.
But after I wash them they smell too clean.
To clean for the deed that I can't undo.
The scent can be washed away,
But the scars
Oh the scars
They'll be there forever

My pillow smells like you.
In a good way.
A mix of AXE, Tide detergent, and just you.
It makes me smile.
Yours probably smells like me
A mix of Daisy, fabric softener that's name escapes me, and Herbal Essences shampoo
I hope that it is reminding you of all the times that we laid there.
Letting the music take us away.
And talking about everything on our minds.
It was always like that with you.
I could never hide anything.
I could tell you anything and you would nod and not judge
I hope it reminds you of all the times you held me
When we wouldn't talk but we would have the best conversations
I hope it reminds you of all the times i called you in the middle of the night , because i couldn't sleep and wanted to know what you were dreaming of.
I hope it reminds you of the time when you would lay there whispering along with all my favorite songs
Putting the singers to shame.
I hope it reminds you of me and all the memories we've had on that bed.
I hope that you sleep well on the pillow that smells of me.

I had this random heart to heart with my mom today.
At Panera bread.
Yeah.....
But like the whole time I was trying not to break down and cry in the middle of the restaurant.
Then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.
I'm still in here.
I'm think of not seeing my therapist as much .
Maybe like 2 or 3 times a week.
I don't know yet.
I need to take a shower.
But I can't cause it's 2:30am
And I don't think my family would like it.
Boring update ,Sorry
I'll try to do more extreme things.
How old do you have to be to go sky diving?

I can't sleep.
I'm listening to music.
James Blunt to be exact.
I'm re-falling in love with him.
His songs are making me cry.
Da.mn him and amazing songs
Him , Patrick Stump, Bredon Urie, and William Beckett could totally take over the world with their oragasmic voices.

I don't think i get the seriousness of my problem.
This isn't the first time i've done it so i think in my subconscious i know it's bad and wrong and that my therapist will ring my neck for not telling her how i'm feeling.
But truthfully i don't know how i'm feeling or really how to explain it. I 've tried to post in the last few days but i haven't been able to.


I'm a sick and twisted person to enjoy the pain, but i enjoy because I control it.
I really haven't done much to cover it up really.
Because as much as i don't want someone to find out , i do.
I want someone to see them and gasp
Grap hold of my wrist of glance horrified up at me.
And call others over to see
Like i'm some strange display.
I want to hear the whispers start again.
And see all the people stare for all the wrong reasons.
I want it all.


I glance down at my wrist and smirk at the scars.
Someone please save my from myself
On second thought i don't think i want someone else to save me
I want to figure this out on my own, save myself for once.
I want to dig into my blackest place of mind and sit and bask in the darkness.
Feeling myself grow more and more like Her.
I am no longer scared.
I welcome her with open arms.

--
Edited by CauseMTVSaysSo at 08/06/2008 8:58 AM PDT

I want to be like you in the sense that if i was you i wouldn't have all these thoughts and finally maybe i could sleep. You seem so care free, and that's probably way i like you so much. Your innocence is still there, while mine has been slowly chipped away. And you try to get me to believe that i'm not as bitter as i make myself out to be. I tend to call myself that a lot don't i? Bitter i mean. Shouldn't i be accepting myself and say that i am not bitter but merely a realist? No because i know what i am and have know for a while. But back to you because i'm getting for to depressing for my own good.
When you laugh at the simplest things it makes me smile cause even though you're 15, the ice cream truck still makes you squeal and run outside.
But when you get serious , you are serious and do your best to understand what i'm feeling. Which i know is hard cause sometimes i don't even know what i'm feeling.
And when you read my work, you say you're still amazed even though this most be the 2 millionth time i made you read something.
And the fact that you put up with me and all my moods and the days when i ignore everyone your still waiting for me, because you know that i'll come around.
And you always amaze me when you talk. Because every word seem so carefully thought out. Even if it is the most childish sentence.
Thank you

Someone told me their daughter looked up to me today.
I was shocked that she does because quite frankly i don't know who would want to be like me.
A procrastinator, and anti-social to the point where sometimes i lock myself in my room for the whole day.
She told me that she admired that i had the ability to just brush off what other people said about me.
But really i'm just good at waiting until everyone is gone to break down
I've know this girl since i was 4 or 5 and she was a baby.
And sometimes i think she's doing a better job at life then i am.
And just knowing that she looks up to me, it makes me want to be a better person.
Just so she can have a better role model

--
Edited by CauseMTVSaysSo at 07/28/2008 12:14 PM PDT

I felt an overwhelming sense of depression today that i haven't felt in a long time. And it scared me, cause i don't know what caused it. It just sorta happened, when this happened before i would have some sort of an idea of were it came for, but today i had no idea.
Music seems to be saving my life more and more lately and it's probably not a good idea to trust someone i don't even know some much.
But then again i trust some of you more then i do my "real"
friends sometimes, that worries me more then scares
And sometimes i look in the mirror and wonder if i should really be doing this, and most of the time the answer is no.
Cause i put myself through (censor). for no reason at all. There is really no reason for me to feel this way, and i think that scares me the most. Just the fact that my mind is such a dark place that it can control me like that. Yes i know i control my mind, but sometimes it feels like it and my heart are out to get me. So please don't remind me of what i am, i know- i'm a monster.
This isn't a cry for help so don't get confused cause i would never take help from you
You can't even take care of your self even though you try your hardest, but hiding what is really happening from me won't help . Cause i know what's going on it's helped shape me into what i am now, sorry to sound so bitter but i never said i was happy with the way things turned out.

I'm just a bucket of sunshine aren't I?

[Edited by: Moderator2]

Have you ever noticed that at night when your tring your hardest to be quiet every sound seems louder?
I was just making a sandwich and it's 2:50am here and everything seemed soooo loud.
I was like "shut up , lunch meat i'm hungry! and i can't get caught" but i don't think it cared.
Nothing has really happened here
I got The Ting Tings Cd and i'm really diggy them right now
And i let my friends go throught my music and burned her 10 Cds of all the songs she wanted which took sort of a long time so she better like them!
Well i'm watching a tv show on my Ipod right now so goodnight.

No matter how long it's been since we've seen each other and no matter what has been said. I'll be there if you call. Always

I haven't felt like writting in a while sorry for thoose who like to read my blog( like anyone does)
Nothing really big has happened in my life lately
At least nothing i feel like writting about
But when i was (not) sleeping last night i came up with the idea for this poem

Stop by this disaster town
See all the broken hearts
And old time frowns
See all the mistakes and regrets
Stop by thins disaster town
To see my old self

All opinions are welcome
Because i'm just that desperate for them

When I listen to this song


http://youtube.com/watch?v=v0SIwBh83jY




It reminds me of us